Thursday, 17 September 2009
Watch me spin (my dial) Watch me twirl (the switch)
It’s that time of year again.
When the husband should be selling tickets to members of the general public in order to witness his majorly neurotic wife (that’s me) perform “The Dance of the Remote Control Central Heating Thermostat” – a joy to behold in at least nine movements per evening (not counting weekends).
I can’t help it. Along with the worry that it’s going to shoot our Gas bill up into the high £stupids and render us almost legless by the time Christmas Day appears, I also perform these ridiculous fanatical feats:
1. If no one’s in a room I WILL turn the radiator associated with it OFF.
2. If there are people in a room producing bodyheat sufficient to warm said room without the need for additional heat, I WILL turn the radiator OFF.
3. If we’ve lit a fire in the living room, I will turn the radiator/s OFF.
4. If I’ve been doing something physical and I’m nice and warm (thank you very much) I will turn the radiators OFF.
5. Or the thermostat down.
6. In fact I pretty much walk around the house holding the damned remote thing and twiddle with the dial constantly. I’d forgotten how obsessive I get with it. It’s like POWER. I have control!
7. I am the HOUSE WARMER!
I don’t know why I bothered turning the damned heating back on, the amount of radiators that are turned off at any given time; it hardly seems worth it now. But at least the girl’s warm now – oh, and the cats. If the hubby had it his way, though, we’d be wearing three of four layers with hot water bottles tied round our waists.
Because layers are good. They go on, they come off – much like my radiator system.
But layers are certainly good and cheap when it comes to the gas bill, that’s for sure.