Wednesday, 11 August 2010

Where I live, in my head:

Other women wake up with perfectly applied (natural, naturally) make-up and hair that just needs a bit of a shake before they’re good to go.


[they don’t need to shut the curtains and pull the bedcovers over themselves AFTER they’ve left the bed for fear of husbands catching an unsightly glimpse and demanding a full refund]

Other women still have their natural, although sometimes highlighted, hair colour (yes, Trina I'm talking to YOU!).

[they don’t have to book their husbands in for a root re-growth touch up every third Sunday in the kitchen]

Other women reach tantalisingly manicured hands into their capsule wardrobe full of beautifully organised clothes that compliment and flatter (is that the same thing?) their body shape and colouring. They automatically know that anything they pull out will make them look effortlessly stylish and enviable.

[they don’t keep everything they bought for £2.99 on E-bay just because they can’t be arsed to re-list it, hoping that one day they’ll wake up with snake-hips and a 36DD bust because that wasn’t how it looked in the frikkin photo.
They ALSO don’t systematically go through everything they have, even if it’s ten years old and try it all on, get into a sweat and a lather and then cover it all up with the faithful long cardi they wore yesterday, the day before that and the decade before that one]

Other women know exactly how to walk in a nice straight line with pointy heels on. Without looking the slightest bit like Dick Emery in his “Ooh… you are awful” days.

[they don’t have only ONE pair of heels that only ever come out for a wedding or something. Maybe a New Years Eve – so long as it’s an entirely sitting-down affair]

Other women know precisely what to say in any given situation. They have poise, they have command, they know some big words and they even know what they mean.

[they don’t fumble and bumble and look – literally at times – deep into their cavernous handbag for some kind of inspiration, resorting to a meaningless moan about the weather because that’s the only certain, albeit changeable topic of conversation, in such a cruel, uncertain world]

Other women have a confident attitude to everything they do. They KNOW what they want. They KNOW where it is and they KNOW how and that they WILL get it.

[they do not have airy-fairy ideas that change with the wind, the season, the underwear. Ideas that are only good for as long as they’re still listening to the person who has them. Mostly a TV/Radio personality. Because they HAVE what they WANT. Which IS a personality]

Other women go to the gym three days a week, they cycle, they swim, they jog with aplomb (whoever she is) and they have a cardio-vascular system that demands accolades. And still their hair looks lovely and bouncy when they’re performing these health-giving feats.

[they don’t have to swill back a handful of tablets and coffee before they have the energy to pull the bedroom curtains back. And then find the stretchiest thing to pull onto their body without putting anything out in a major muscle area. And then have to have a quick lie down through the exhaustion of having got in/out(shake it all about) of the shower. This is cardio-vascular taken to it’s limit. No, seriously]

Other women’s multi-tasking skills include holding down a high-powered job, putting on a wash AND hanging it out before going to it; being all high-powered and bolshy in an executive position for 8 hours, coming home, making dinner for 5 (maybe even entertaining an extra 8 really important people from high-powered career place after putting the kids to bed) Twittering about how fun life is, putting pictures on Facebook of how happy and shiny and healthy their family/house is and then blogging about it before finishing off the latest book in bed (that’s writing it, not reading it).

[they don’t spend 4 hours in a part-time job where the biggest worry of the day will be if there’s a spare box of staples in the cupboard or not,  whilst working out whose turn it is to fill the kettle up next. After which, deciding the prospect of watching Loose Women on demand is a lot easier than having to visit Sainsbury's on the way home and then having a small wail about how there was just “no time” to start anything for dinner and forgetting that the chippie is shut on Monday and so having to eat stuff from tins at the back of the cupboard]
My husband is one very special man, that’s all I can say.

11 comments:

Keris said...

Who are these other women? I've never met anyone who fits that description!

Debs Riccio said...

How did I KNOW you'd say that? - you inspired this post when you said I'm too hard on myself - and when I thought about it, these WOMEN are always appearing in my head... and here they are!

Suz said...

Ah, so fake women ;)

Talli Roland said...

Exactly - I'm with Keris. Who are these women?

Keris said...

Oh Debs, just tell them to piss off! They don't exist! I think it's much more normal to be wearing bikini bottoms cos you've no clean knickers (not that I've had a bikini for years) (and not that I have been known to wear David's "briefs"), with ketchup all down your front and...

Actually would it help if I just took some photos of my house and sent them to you? Seriously, you would not BELIEVE it.

Keris said...

Erm, just to clarify, the ketchup is down the front of my top, not down the front of David's briefs. That would be weird...

Debs Riccio said...

Oooh photographic evidence - yes please! You should see the state of our skirting boards - what the hell are they for anyway - dust-gathering or something?

Deb said...

We love you just the way you are, Debs!
xxx

Debs Riccio said...

aw bless you, Deb - that's So sweet!

Michele said...

Debs, follow my lead. I keep my bar so low I always reach it- for instance if I manage to get upright before the day is over, I consider it a great day ;)

jc said...

Perfection is boring and final. Imperfection is interesting and limitless.