It was like a scene from one of those dodgy seventies sit-coms. If you'd lined up Terry and June, thrown in a Sid James and a Hattie Jacques with a Rigsby and a Steptoe then you'd have been halfway there.
I put it down to the fact that I'd been off work most of last week with the Ear Infection from Hell and because my hearing hadn't fully returned, I was, shall we say, a little ...unbalanced. (No comments please).
So there I was Saturday afternoon, trying on the old faithfuls from my eclectic wardrobe in readiness for a Hen Night we'd been invited to - half of which clothes ended up in the charity basket, when we (MiniMe and I) had the mad notion that I should try wearing what she wore once to a 70's fancy dress party - viz: a pair of leggings, one of my longer-length tunic tops and some funky knee length laced up boots. Ah what the heck?!
No sooner had I flung on this fabulous ensemble - which in my head looked impressive but then I was remembering how gorgeous the 15yo had looked in it and not her half-deaf 40-something mother - and checked out my reflection, I COULD NOT WAIT to have it un-flung as far from my ridiculous frame as possible. And therein lay my mistake.
In my haste to rip off the leggings (leggings! Who the flip wears leggings these days? OK, skinny celebs and Twiggy type persons... but not people my age... come on! who was I kidding?!) I thought I'd torn them in half when I realised that the horrible splitting noise hadn't been the material but... my back.
And I couldn't move. Or even breathe.
I've never known a pain like it.
I'll leave the image entirely up to you - but you get the idea. And I'm delighted to report that MiniMe did the only thing I didn't expect when faced with a half-dressed mother who is in excrutiating agony and on all fours (the best position bar none for back pain and childbirth) trying to drag herself across the room and that was laugh so much she very nearly had first dibs on the loo herself.
Needless to say, Mr R had to cancel his evening's arrangements too and spent his time ordering edible deliveries, assisting me in beverage and toilet pursuits and frowning every time I so much as started a sentence with the words "Could you just..." or "would you mind..."
I'm sure I never used to have this much trouble getting into and out of leggings before... perhaps it's a sign I shouldn't ever try another pair on.
Oh, that and the advice my doctor gave me this morning:
"Bending is fine. Twisting is fine - but attempting both moves together can result in this kind of thing".