Tuesday, 30 June 2009
...So what advice would you give to your 21 y/old self?
Having read a book recently all about a 32 y/old who bumps into her 21 year old self and DOESN'T give her any winning lottery tip-offs, I was wondering what advice I'd give my younger self at this tender and impressionable age...
1. Chuck away the Hawaiian Tropic sun oils (you idiotic pig-on-a-spit) and buy the strongest factor suncream you can find. You will worry constantly about moles and strangely enlarged freckles by the time you're thirty five.
2. Enjoy the music of Adam Ant, Boy George and Wham! but DO NOT try to emulate their style of dress and/or attempt to reproduce their make-up however many bottles of Blue Nun you have consumed. THIS is why everyone wants to befriend you, to have someone to laugh AT - not with.
3. Stop with the perms! You may feel the need to follow the sheep of the eighties and walk around looking like Best In (Poodle) Breed but if you give it six months and wait for something called a Diffuser to be invented, you'll realise you already have natural curly hair. Ta-da!
Oh, this will also help you save up enough money to do 6.
4. When you receive a letter from the nice people at Woman magazine telling you that although they enjoyed your short story it doesn't really suit their publication but that they like your style enough to meet with you and talk about future commisions, DO NOT listen to your parents who tell you you are NOT getting on a train alone because they didn't do things like this when they were your age and there's plenty of time to go "gallivanting around London when you're older" because this will never happen again. Ever. And you'll regret this for the rest of your life.
5. Find a way to get to college and start believing you can do things you truly believe and want to do - you DO NOT have to have approval from the world and his wife. There will be a magic way of finding out how well your school friends have done one day and they'll all be Doctors in Australia or Kyakking up the Himalayas and you'll have such a sore arse for kicking it so frequently.
6. Leave home. There's never a good time but do it now before the rot sets in.
7. Ask your best friend if he's Gay. And don't be all affronted that it's your fault he's 'turned out that way' just because you tried a snog and it didn't feel right. You'll still be friends at forty. Seriously!
8. Smile more. Scowl less. Life gets hairy whether you want it to or not. Give in to it. You will survive. In fact you'll do better than survive, you'll want to WRITE ABOUT IT!
9. Embrace your twenties. Love your curves. Love your freckles. Love your skin. Love the way your limbs move freely and without undue pain.
10. Oh, and if I ignore all the above, try these Lottery numbers...