Tuesday, 1 September 2009

COULD DO BETTER – A Summer Report

Deborah couldn’t have tried harder. She spent every vertical moment sitting at her keyboard and turning out, on average, 3,000 words per day. Not necessarily on her book, but Facebook’s still a book right? Just with a face on the front.

Deborah needs to find her calculator. She is appallingly bad at working things out without it. She even went to both the dentist and back to work 24 hours early. She is shite at maths.

Perhaps a bleep facility on Deborah’s car keys would be beneficial. She has probably wasted a good hour or so each week wandering aimlessly around car parks trying to remember where she parked the car and trying not to panic to the point of peeing her pants or sobbing to strangers.

Double History – coming soon to a bookstore near you (this is a visualisation technique and not necessarily fact… yes it is… yes it is… yes it is…)

Deborah must learn that wrinkles are merely relaxed areas of skin that are tired of being taught and are not another way of life getting at her.

Deborah has still not reached the level of maturity where she feels the need to rely on the existence of an invisible force. She is convinced, though, that this day may well come.

It is difficult to fault Deborah’s “Particles of Dust and How Best to Maintain Levels” project.

Deborah must learn that preparing meals by the seat of her pants when a family is expecting to be fed at certain times of the day, is not a sensible way to plan. Resorting to handfuls of Take Away menus and frozen options (some which are remains of the Christmas Turkey) are not necessarily the way forward.

Yeah right.

I am sure with the right amount of chocolate, PG Tips and Digestive biscuits, Deborah will do very well in her endeavours.
So long as they don’t involve dusting, cooking, hovering or working out sums.

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