Tuesday, 12 January 2010

BOOK SPEAK (what they're *really* saying)

Due to a severe case of unexpected enuii which has rendered me devoid of entertaining blog-postness, I'd like to thank my "fab, fab, fabby" friend Luisa Plaja (she's written some bloody brilliant books, btw - check them out and buy them for every teenage girl you know - you won't regret it) for this list of 'Book Blurb-speak' (which probably came from someplace else via her, but she gets my thanks cos that's where I got it).

The book is:

"Enchanting" - there's a dog in it
"Heartwarming" - a dog and a child
"Heartrending" - they die
"Thoughtful" - tedious
 "Thought-provoking" - tedious and hectoring
"Haunting" - set in the past
"Prize-winning" - set in India
"Perceptive" - set in NW3
"Epic" - editor cowed by writer's reputation
"From the pen of a master" - same old same old
"In the tradition of" - shamelessley derivative
"Provocative" - irritating
"Spare and taut" - under-researched
"Richly detailed" - over-researched
"Gripping" - no characters
"Fast-paced" - no story
"Shocking" - awful
"Lyrical" - keep a dictionary handy
"Lyrical and poetic" - keep a bucket handy
"Expertly crafted" - we have no idea what it's about
"Coming-of-age story" - child lives, dog dies
"Hilarious" - some short sentences, lots of exclamation marks
"His/her masterpiece" - eye-watering advance

Anyone know any others?


Fionnuala Kearney said...

Oh God....not great are they?! ANd what does 'hectoring' mean? x

Luisa Plaja said...

Thanks for the thanks, and for the mention! (I can't remember where I got it - aargh!)

Luisa Plaja said...

I meant to add: "But passing my thanks on to the people this came from." :)

Debs Riccio said...

Fi - not sure and Dictionary dot com didn't enlighten me further but I'm guessing it's derivative of a 70's dog who lived with a cat next door to a frog called KiKi. But don't quote me.
S'ok Luisa! x

The Pineapple Tart said...

Ha Ha Ha - Love it! And yes, there was a dog in Enchanting Alice...

Debs Riccio said...

Ah but did he die, Anne?!