Monday, 5 April 2010

The Great Wait

Being a bear is something I've aspired to become.  And I've also been known to rub my back up against a doorframe or two in my time so I must be halfway there.
Although not for bear-like qualities such as making excess bodyweight appear lithesome, graceful and appealing (chance would be a fine thing) rather than cumbersome, demoralising and depressing - this is a whole other issue, and one I need to address once all the Easter Eggs are well and truly out of sight and making their way towards their sewage outlets of choice - but rather more for Bear's other qualities such as perseverance, determination, realism, and currently... patience.
Because I've heard it's a virtue.  And virtues are a grand thing to have.  In fact the more you have the more points you get, and we all know what points make, right?
I'm trying not to confuse Anticipation (another virtue?) with Patience.  Because they have totally different rewards. And Anticipation sometimes brings it's worrying and irritating friend,  Excitement, along for the ride too.  Although without the Ex(citement) factor, the Anticipation could quite easily morph into the flip side of the coin and become a desperately morbid shade of Pessimism - which I've always been spectacularly great at.Such a delicate balance.
Patience, however,  brings no such overblown friends along, instead preferring to deliver such feats of normality as breathing steadily, performing back-flips and high-pitched "squeep!"'s at no occasion whatsoever and behaving responsibly and sensibly at all times.  Because that's what Patience is all about.  See that bear?  She's being Patient. Wanna be like Her?   Of course you do/don't.  Delete where applicable.

So it's been four weeks since the Agent asked "where are you based?" and further two or so hours since my reply of "wherever you like" (I didn't really say that but I would've if Id thought it'd make any real difference).  And I've experienced everything from dizzy delight, unabashed elation and self-belief seldom heard of around these parts, followed by a slow but sure descent back down to the place called Earth where it all began.  Perhaps this is another of those 'lessons' that I've heard life has you down for learning.  Maybe it's all a part of the process - the bigger picture - making the ultimate result that much more rewarding....?  I'd like to think so.
And for a kid who thought nothing of waking the entire house up at 3.30am on Christmas Day morning simply because it IS officially morning,  this Patience thing is a difficult candy to savour slowly, especially as the taste is so tempting.
But I'll do it.
I will.
You see, this is where bears get their sore heads from. - the eternal and internal convincing they have to go through to arrive at this picture of Patience.


Jacqueline Christodoulou said...

I'm right there with you Debs, possibly less patient than you, I'm shuffling round the house mumbling 'What's wrong with these people' :-)

Debs Riccio said...

I know Jacqui - it's very demoralising - and then uplifting - and then back to demoralising - it would just be nice to get a nod of approval so that everything can move onwards and upwards - it's the not knowing that's the killer, isn't it?

Michele said...

It's such a rollercoaster ride for you! But everyday, you're one step closer to realizing your dream. And now that your feet are back on the ground, you'll make better decisions and remember it better when he or she do call. And they will call.

Debs Riccio said...

Oh bless you Michele, for your unending faith in me! sometimes it gets hard to feel such positivity when things are kind of teetering. And I'm not good with teetering.

Deb said...

Hang on in there, Debs. Most agents and publishers will be concentrating on the London Book Fair which is coming up this month, so will be ploughing all their energies in to that. xxx

Debs Riccio said...

Oh Deb thanks for telling me that - I feel slightly less gloomy about it now!