Friday, 7 January 2011

Excuses, excuses...

I’ve been meaning to do a post on this subject for ages. Ever since the mornings started feeling like the middle of the night and getting dressed for work feels not dissimilar to placing anything clothes-shaped onto a fuzzy-felt form in a dark room. Cupboard. Wherever. By Midday I am always embarrassed to note how terrible my endeavours to assemble myself of a morning are. Shocking. Beyond shocking actually.
So, it tickled me this morning: green cords, clashing (which at 6.30am looked complementary) green top and multicoloured scarf (thrown on to detract onlookers from predictable mid-morning eyeball assault) when a colleague commented that it felt like a Saturday and her body thought it should be at home.
And I remarked that this would be a fabulous ‘excuse’ for NOT going into work. (“I didn't come in – I thought it was Saturday”) And there're others I’ve always thought would be so cool if no fibs were necessary:
Like… (pretend you’re on the phone at home, heating turned up, surrounded by chocolate, cups of coffee and the daytime TV listings.. or whatever floats your particular Boat of Skive)…

“I can’t come in today, I’ve nothing to wear”
“I’m in the middle of a really good discussion on Facebook/Twitter/social network of choice.”
“It’s too nice and warm in bed. I can’t get up; it could be fatal.”
“Isn’t it raining? What? What do you want from me!”
“I can’t come in, my hair won't go right."
“My husband forgot to leave me a cup of tea. I can’t function without a cup of tea. I can’t even get my legs to slide out of bed.”
“I need to watch the last part of Silent Witness – I won’t be able to concentrate on anything else until I know Whoddunitt.”
"I'm waiting on a poo. I can't go at work. You know what it's like."
“I’m rubbish in the mornings. I’ll pop in later. If I remember.”
“I didn’t enjoy yesterday – I think I’ll give it a miss today and try again tomorrow.”
And my particular favourite (which I would use EVERY day in an alternate universe)
“Ah, I can’t be arsed.”

Wouldn’t it be GREAT though?!


Clodagh said...

Brilliant! I'd love to do any or all of these. We did actually have a girl at work (not for long) who was perpetually late and told the boss she 'wasn't a morning person'.

Debs Riccio said...

SO funny, Clodagh, I think THAT might be my new favourite - esp. as she had the nerve to actually SAY it!

nylarehc said...

How bout this one 'I can't come into work today because I've put my back out painting my toenails'?
Keep em coming Debs, you're so funny. Do you laugh when you write this stuff?

Debs Riccio said...

Cheri, haven't I heard that somewhere before?! thanks for popping by and commenting x

Michele said...

how about, ''I'm taking a mental health day.' (We should all be allowed 1 mental health day a month!)
Or this week, I wanted to use: "Serious concerns were raised when they swapped the babies on Eastenders and I'm having difficulty wrapping my head around it."

Debs Riccio said...

Michele, I'm really gonna have to catch up on this Eastenders storyline... hasn't it made scandalous headlines or something recently? We did catch the *swap* bit whilst channel hopping the other night and I actually put a cushion over my face and said "no, no, they can't be serious, seriously?" It felt very wrong.