Visual Delights...

"DESPICABLE ME"
I have to confess I didn't even know about this film when it came out, apart from reading comments on Facebook and Twitter from happy parents who'd taken their children to see it. (Hi, Keris, *waves*).  And after I'd read the back cover I still wasn't sure, but we watched it the other night (2 adults, 2 teenagers....) and we all LOVED it.  I *heart* when a miserable grouch, instead of getting his comeuppance, starts to thaw and melt and turn into a big old softie.  I actually had tears at the 'bedtime story' part.  And the best piece of dialogue was from that cute little girl there holding the Unicorn she finally wins at the fun-fair . When she spies him she squeaks:"Oh My God, he's so fluffy I'm going to die!"
Just brilliant.

"DUE DATE" (so good we watched it twice!)

Robert Downey Jr. has come a long way since his Charlie Chaplin/alcohol addled days and I'm so glad he's stuck with the comedy because apart from Bill Murray there's nobody on screen that does hangdog humour quite so perfectly and so laugh-out- loudly well.  

I'd never heard of Zach Galifianakis before (easy for me to say - NOT!) but as the over-emotional wannabe actor who's determined to scatter his dad's ashes which he keeps in a coffee tin, en route to making it BIG in Hollywood, he's a star. The dog's quite good too but I wish I hadn't seen a *certain scene* - you'll know the one I mean. Watch it if you're feeling irritable or in need of a pick-me-up.  You'll be glad you did.

"SKYLINE"
Another film I don't remember hearing about 'coming to a movie theater near us' but give me potential catastrophe, give me a bunch of idiot Americans getting all confused about their emotions and each other and then throw in some weird vein-zombie-makeup, some pretty convincing Aliens (is there such a thing?) and I'm perfectly happy to munch a bag of Twiglets whilst watching their whole silly lives unravel and get squished before my eyes.  *spoiler alert* if you've ever been annoyed by Turk in Scrubs (Donald Faison) then there's a scene which you may find particularly satisfying!

"THE CRIMSON PETAL AND THE WHITE"

(TV)
 It's taken me a long time to discover how much I really *heart* period dramas.  I think I was in denial. This is just a stunning, stunning (see, words fail me, this is so..... stunning) portrayal of the utter grimness of Olde England tied in with heartbreaking betrayal and the worst kind of secrets... it's just incredible to watch.  The scenery is visually breathtaking and some of the scenes actually take my breath away, they're so perfectly painfully painted.  Oh, there's humour too, after all with Chris O'Dowd (The IT Crowd) as the male lead, there's bound to be some awkwardly splendid moments... he manages to combine idiocy and laziness with selfish lunacy - such a clever character.  And if you wanted to know what happened to Scully from the X-Files (Gillian Anderson)... she's turned into an East End Madam and she wears it well!

These visual delights were brought to you by the sheer happiness of having a 2 week Easter Break.  For highlights of the up-coming Royal Wedding, please find alternative sites.  Bah Handbag!

Lately I've been...

Reading:

The Untied Kingdom by Kate Johnson

I was lucky enough to receive a pre-publication copy of Kate's new book, The Untied Kingdom from publishers Choc Lit, and was delighted to find I CAN read off-genre.  In fact I'd find it difficult to put this book into a current genre. it's a book that has EVERYTHING: romance, quirky humour, surrealism, army warfare and actual proper edge-of-seat intrigue.  And the hero?  Blimey, he's a one-off.  I don't generally fall for paper heroes, but for the powerfully delicious Major Harker I made an exception.  Phew.  If you like your books with a bit of edge and a lot of spark, then this is the one for you.

Small Blue Thing by Sue Ransom

As we speak, Sue actually has a guest post on the Strictly Writing site where she talks about how Small Blue Thing came about.  It's a fascinating story and one which made me gasp, sent shivers up my spine and made me green with envy.  It's certainly made me look at my Blackberry a whole lot differently! It was such a lovely book to read, and the fact that it's teen supernatural romance set around the Thames and St. Paul's Cathedral made it feel so much more accessible.  Much nicer than all these werewolves and strange place names in American suburbs.

The Silver Locket by Margaret James

As I said, I've been delighted to find I can read off-genre and this historical romance set during the First World War made me very happy.  In fact I'm eagerly awaiting Margaret's sequel to The Silver Locket, the Golden Chain and can't wait to find out what's happened to the lovely characters I met in this book.  Simply told, easily read and a story that lingers in the mind for ages afterwards - just how a good story should.

 

Currently, I'm reading  The Glass Painter's Daughter by Rachel Hore which is an absolute joy to fall onto every night and I know I'm going to get one of those Clare Chamber's moments when I'm going to HAVE to get hold of Rachels' last two books. Some beautiful characters and such lovely evocative prose, it's doing me good and it's even making me seriously consider learning music as another language.

Watching:

 Twenty-Twelve - a fictional-documentary (a "mocu-mentary") about the 'Team' set up to ease us into the  Phenomenon which will be the 2012 Olympics. Led by the ever-present, eternally endearing Hugh Bonneville - who looks FAB on his eco-friendly folding bike and luminous headgear at the start of every episode, and supported by comic genius's at every turn.  Last week Team Twenty Twelve spent the entire episode lost on a bus in the middle of London trying to find the Olympic Stadium (where a very impatient Sebastian Coe awaited their eventual non-arrival).  Very funny.

Mrs Brown's Boys -  I'm usually suspicious of any new 'sitcom', simply because they invariably end up being shite.  And I was even more suspicious of the eponymous Mrs Brown because she's a man in drag.  And a gobby, blaspheming Irish man in drag at that.  But I am hooked.  Okay, so the swearing could be cut down a little, but Mrs Brown is SUCH a character that it'd probably dilute her.  This week's episode was such a joy (Grandad faked his own funeral so he got to hear people say nice things about him - who hasn't ever wanted to do this?) and the icing on the cake was a fabulous song-and-dance number at the end.  The fact it's filmed before a studio audience and you get to see the out-takes happen live is such a delight.

Monroe - in our house, anything with James Nesbitt in it is an instant hit.  He doesn't seem to do anything bad.  I even enjoyed his horrible Roman Emperor in the Jesus dramatisation a couple of years ago.  And although I find his neurosurgeon character in this new medical 'drama' slightly tongue-in-cheek and a bit fatuous, it is a likeable romp in an operating theatre.  And you can't say that about a lot of things on telly these days.  I do wish Sarah Parrish would be allowed to smile a bit though, her character's so frosty I'm surprised she's in cardiac and not the morgue. 

The Big C - I don't like a lot of American TV but this one caught my eye when it started a couple of months ago and it's still keeping me entertained so it MUST be good. I've loved Laura Linney ever since she failed to get it on with the very hot, very fit olive-skinned guy in 'Love, Actually' because of her needy brother and in this one, she's equally doomed.  This time she's dying of a melanoma.  Oliver Platt, who plays her long-suffering estranged husband is a treat and her eco-warrior brother is a joy to behold.  The characters are fresh, original and so shockingly honest that I already feel sad that they're not going to be around for a second series (presuming she dies, of course). (Actually, in typical American-melodrama there could of course be a last-minute miracle cure if the viewing figures demand...?)

Writing-wise, I've been subbing this past fortnight and apart from the little sparks of optimism, there's been a lot of rejection.  I don't know why I continue to do this to myself. No doubt I'll spring back but I do feel actually, physically hurt this time round.

TV Highlight of The Week...

Definition of LOL (from the last episode of "Episodes")
NEARLY as good as the fight scene from Bridget Jones - between our Colin and our Hughie...

(oh, and just in case nobody else watches this - it hasn't had GREAT reviews but I liked it) the bottles being thrown are "How U Doin'" Aftershave samples... enjoy!

Here's One I Made Earlier...

"this is no ordinary chicken leftovers pie..." click to embiggen

Impressed?  I know... I know... no autographs please... it's just a Chicken leftovers pie.  And it actually tastes nearly as good as it looks.  As long as you like Brussels sprouts, which thankfully (clearly) we do!

I always try (hark at me, who do I think I am... Mrs Beeton, ffs?) to make my pastry slightly different each time..  Tonight I've added some dried Thyme to the mixture along with the usual Sage, salt and pepper.

I'm still trying to work up the courage to rub some Sage & Onion stuffing into the mix but I'm scared breadcrumbs might make the whole thing.... um... porous and soggy?

Am I feeling alright?  Regular readers will know that I am allergic to housework and stuff like that, and I'm fast becoming quite a competently crap (?) wife as well as errant mother.  I might loook up an Open University course in it, I've probably already passed.

And whilst I was eagerly.... not really.... more frantically trying to get the damned thing finished so I could get back up here to the 'real' world of writing and blogging, Tweeting and Facebooking, I remembered how much I used to love watching "The Galloping Gourmet" and how he might very well have been my first proper telly crush.  I think it was his cheeky twinkling eyes and the way he leapt over the dining chair at the end of his programme that did it.

Anyone else remember him?  Ah..... pastry rubbing.....

He NEVER swore, he never got cross with anything, never broke out in a sweat and he was always so lovely to his audience.  He even used to invite one member to sit down with him at the end of the programme and eat his meal with him.

I'll stop now.  I think I need a cold compress.

Simon Says (so does/do Roger and Val)

Have you been watching "Val and Roger Have Just Got In"?  We have.  There they are.  Dawn French and Alfred Molina playing the world-weary eponymous couple, and playing them beautifully and poignantly and in 'real-time'.  It's just so brilliantly written.  and it's all about Us.  Me and The Hubs.  Or You and Yours.  It's a Little bit of Everyone.  Especially the first episode where they have to find a receipt for a broken hoover in amongst the debris of about ten years' worth of other bits of paper that they never got round to 'filing'.  We all mean well, don't we - and Val and Roger do.  And having them in our homes once a week for the past 6 weeks has been a satisfying if not sometimes painfully voyeuristic pleasure.

And Simon Amstell (the bitingly wry presenter of "Never Mind the Buzzcocks") has had us round his "Grandma's House" for the past few weeks too.  Utterly, utterly buttock-clenchingly perfect family humour at it's boldest, brightest and cleverest.  I can't get enough.  In fact after we've watched it 'proper' on the TV I have to watch it again on catch-up to really get  my teeth into the sharp retorts and one-liners, and I've even been known to take notes for future reference. No, seriously.
Comparable (which is difficult) to a 21st Century Hancock's Half Hour, "Grandma's House" has made me gasp at the blunt observations, snort tea out of my nostrils at the familiar-but-caricatured family members and given me renewed hope in the dire desert of British Sitcom misery.
All I need now is a second, superb series of "Miranda" and the onslaught of Christmas can blinkin' well do it's worst!

I have been watching... and reading... and buying...

Toy Story 3 is a scream.  And heart-tugging.  And everything you'd expect from those fabulously clever Disney-Pixar people.  Even the shortie film before the main feature was a blast - very reminiscent of the 'LSD-induced' dream sequence from Dumbo, I thought.
And I'm still torn between 2 favourite scenes: The Barbie-watching Ken model his wardrobe scene (nearly wet myself at this and wanted to try it out at home on the Hubs for a laugh) AND the Spanish Buzz bits.  So heart-thumpingly funny that I was very glad I brought some travel tissues with me. *whisper* I actually got a bit of a Buzz-crush at these parts.

I've just finished reading Liane Moriarty's 'What Alice Forgot' and loved it.  I knew I would because the fabulous Keris enjoyed it too.  It's all about Alice Love who has a fall at the gym and when she regains consciousness, she's lost ten years of her life, thinks she's 28, newly married and pregnant with her first child.  What she doesn't remember is that she's actually approaching 40, has 3 kids and is filing for divorce from her husband. And she's got issues with her sister.
I found this totally refreshing and loved the way it's told from 3 different viewpoints and mediums.  Great holiday read.  Go buy.

Until I read in the Radio Times that this new TV production was "Sherlock Holmes with texting", I wasn't the least bit interested in watching another take on the tired old fictional detective.  In fact after having seen the Robert Downey Junior/Jude Law film of the same name, to my mind nothing could top it.  Which, in all honesty, this didn't.  But at least it's Berluddy British - with proper British actors and I have to say that Martin freeman is an absolute star in it.  If you can catch-up, do.  You won't be sorry.

Hallelujah for the revival of the Maxi dress, people, that's all I can say!  After having spent the whole of last year's 5-star luxury holiday in Tuscany decked out in something I've only ever seen the local bag-lady get away with, fashion-wise, I am heartily happy that this year I can encase all my white, freckly wobbly bits top to toe in trend-setting style!
I've already bought three, and they look so lovely I'm amazed I didn't think of this before (like 12 months before would've been preferable - I still can't believe I was lying around a 5-star pool in cut-offs and t-shirts whilst everyone about me swanned around in fake-tans and push-up bikinis.  I can't even look at the photos for the shame).

Oh, and as part of the Transword Summer Reading Challenge, I'm over halfway through Curtis Sittenfeld's book, "Prep" which I'm enjoying although not altogether breezing my way through it - the chapters are Ssoooo long and my brain capacity is Sssoooo small in comparison and I'm beginning to get really irritated by all the weird names of the students she's studying with.  Here are some:

Gates Medkowski, Dede Schwartz, Sin-Jun Kim, Aspeth Montgomery, Little Washington, Dory Rogers, Nevin Lunse, Cross Sugarman, it goes on... there's a whole academy of names to get my head round - and I have a hard time remembering my husband's  most days.  Which is why the word 'baby' was invented.  Very handy.

...would like to ...erm... Adopt, actually!

It's official.  The Hubs and I would just like to make it formally known that we *heart the pants (not literally of course) off* of Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.  He's such a screamingly delightful star.  Isn't he, though?  He's like the Royal Family's equivalent of the Queen having a damned good knees up in your local pub.  After having had a bash at Bingo beforehand.  And helping herself to a little polystyrene pot of cockles and whelks.
I suppose what I'm trying to say  is that although he's got a Lordship and he's obviously from a very privileged  background, that he's just so flippin' well normal and nice and squizzles of fun, that you just want to have him in your front room with his demi-royal slippers on having a bloody good laugh with you - well don't you?
Well, we do.
It's the faces he pulls that make our evening's entertainment so much fun.  He doesn't seem to mind that the world and his wife are watching him gurning with such spontaneous vigour and contagious delight, and we love the man to bits.  So much so that we'd like to adopt him please.
And his chair.  I mean throne.
We can't wait for another episode of 'Dorothy' tonight.  In fact my pulse quickens at the very thought.  It has everything.  Sob-stories, talented hopefuls (where were THEY when the X-Factor did their auditions, because most of these are far, far superior in their singing capabilities than some of Simon's finalists?)  The Lord making us laugh our socks off - oh, and the cheeky, chirpy relationship he has with Graham Norton is just the dazzling icing on the Saturday night Cake.
Ahhh... life couldn't get much better, could it?

Anyone else watching "Miranda"?

We are LOVING this...
What I *heart* most about this is that although it IS a bit cheesy and slightly daft in places, Miranda (the star) posseses that natural comedic talent that other comediens like Tony Hancock and Frankie Howerd had - she involves her audience like we're her friend.  She has these great 'asides' to the camera which totally endear you to her madcap world. 
Try it out - you'll be glad you did!
Oh, and there's that lovely 'You were Watching...' thing as the credits roll - the actors all have a little wave goodbye to their audience too.  It's great.  Um... did I already say that?
Mondays 8.30pm BBC2.

Is There Anybody There?

I’m *that* far away from demanding a refund with our Television Licence. Were it not for the fact that we have a million and one other channels courtesy (paid for courtesy of course) those nice** Virginal people so, okay, it’s not as if it’s the ONLY channel we can watch at that time – whatever that time is. After all, these programmes seem to be constantly on a loop-de-loop. It’s a wonder Sarah Beeney hasn’t gone down in medical history the number of times she’s been pregnant-not-pregnant all within the space of 24 hours – she must be exhausted, poor thing.

Anyway, my truck, viewers, is with that most stupid of stupidest programmes to ever have the idiot mad sense to ‘grace’ our screens. And quite how or when or by whom this ridiculous idea for a programme was passed remains almost as mysterious as the content of the programme itself.

In England we have ‘Most Haunted’. In the US, I think it’s called ‘A-Haunting’ which at least sounds a little nonsensical to start with so it begs a tongue-in-cheek attitude at the off (similar to ‘a-wassailing’ only with night-vision cameras and no carol-sheets).

And for the life of me I cannot remember a more ill-spent use of my viewing time other than the second or third year during Big Brother when I deliberately tuned in to see what all the fuss was about and spent about 40 minutes watching bodies sleeping followed by chickens peck the dusty ground for whatever it was they were looking for – inspiration or a way out – and the rest listening to irritatingly silenced-out random conversations about how hot and dusty it was and what were the chickens doing? Total waste of time. I’ve been more interested in hold-music and believe me recently I’ve heard a lot.

These people GET PAID to stand in dark rooms wearing padded coats and pained expressions, waiting. For what? They ‘get feelings’ about things. Oh yeah? They probably get the feeling that their pay packets will be nice and substantial and paid for by idiot Us, the viewing public. Then the ‘atmosphere’ (i.e. room/corridor/stairway somewhere – anywhere – they don’t care) in which they stand is so clogged with spiritual activity that they have to get in some supernatural expert to confirm that the air they are currently breathing is, in fact, laden with paranormal activity and they’ll have to get their table out.

Table out.
They all sit around, some cameraman at the back starts to hyperventilate and so another camera swings round unsteadily to catch him hyperventilate, during which time “Whoa, did you feel that?!” Answer: No, because this is television – a visual thing – not a tactile thing – we felt nothing. And, for the record – how do we know you bloody well did anyway?

“Something just touched my leg!” somebody shrieks and off we go again - a dodgy spin of the camera with loads of shake, some expressions of feigned shock and terror (ahem – terror?) and it was probably Kevin the hyperventilating cameraman who touched somebody’s leg as he toppled over with the sheer boredom of trying to hold a camera up waiting for nothing to happen again.

Nothing Happens.

Nothing.
And we’re the idiots who sit glued to it waiting for something to happen.

It’d be more believable if they at least put some spooky music to it like in Scooby Doo instead of all this heavy breathing and everyone comparing their levels of clamminess and fear and trying to out-do each other in heart-rate comparisons.
My god, in the American version they even have instruments – proper Ghost-hunting instruments like heat sensors and motion detectors – trip wire - and all that nonsense to help them see these apparitions.

But nobody ever has.

Have you?

Have they?

You only have to stand behind a particularly grumblesome old person in a queue somewhere to know that anybody can stand there and say they feel scared and they feel cold and they have a bad feeling about something. But very few of us have the unqualified cheek to demand they get paid for reporting these personal sentiments to a viewing public.

Of course, I’ll expect all of you to be racking up the viewing figures for me when I commission a pilot for a new show called ‘When Paint Dries’.

It’ll be edge-of-seat stuff, I’m telling you.

**not always

Love this so much!

Because I've been a bit icky and I don't have a brain cell left that isn't covered in mucus for gathering words and sticking them together to make a coherent sentence that would make anyone smile right now, sit back and enjoy the glory that is one of the greatest scenes from 'Beautiful People'. Ah, we still know how to make great TV, don't we?

X-Factor Twins (prove the) Rule!

In a week where personal opinion is made public, I have decided to air my own.

Those zealously gelled X-Factor twins are on Hit-lists all over the show (see what I did there?) to be dragged kicking and screaming in a very inharmonious fashion, from the X-Factor stage.
Thing is they won’t be.
And why won’t they?
Quite aside from the fact that their continued presence there is a bit biased:

* by the whole of Ireland and Louis’ family calling in to vote,

* because if Simon WAS so dead set against their being finalists, then he’d have had the power to have overruled his team-mate,

* and, paramount, it retains enthusiastic viewing figures because the whole country tunes in hopeful of watching them be voted off,

like it or not, they actually DO have the X-Factor.

Which is precisely why they’ve been allowed to remain in thus far. Simon’s no air-head. He might be Botox-ed to the gills and have the hair-do of a Gorilla, bless him, but he’s not stupid. In fact I have the utmost respect for the guy (apart from the weird things he had at his 50th – which could have been his crisis-point or a cry for help). And everything he ever says (music-wise) I always wholeheartedly agree with.
‘Y’know,’ he said last night. ‘In a strange was it was like watching the Exorcist for the first time time… although you hate it, you just HAVE to watch it again.’
Absolutely spot-on.
They are certainly an embarrassment to music lovers everywhere and if this was Britain’s Got Talent, they wouldn’t have got this far – because they haven’t. Got any talent.

But they DO have the X-Factor.

And what is this elusive factor called “X”?
The ability to humiliate oneself in front of cameras, whether unbeknown or engineered. These boys are either incredibly dense or incredibly clever. Either way they have managed to already make a name for themselves without having one talented cell in their combined bodies.
I didn't so much cringe last night at their pathetic attempts to sing whilst trying to remember their silly little 'moves', as applaud their bravado for giving it a go and making themselves look so foolish.
And they’ll get to the semi finals (I might eat my words after tonight’s voting of course, and I shall eat them with relish) because it will make great viewing. In much the same way as Chico was – and Same Difference. It’s cringe-worthy viewing and doesn’t the viewing public love to have a good squirm at the expense of somebody else?
Big Brother?
Living Like Animals?
Snog, Marry, Avoid?
Dating in the Dark?
Need I go On?
And whoever decided last night that on Diva Night they should be allowed to sing a Britney Spears ‘classic’ is just typical of the mentality of the X-Factor producers. If I am living in a world where Britney is already a Diva, then please stop the madness, I’d like to get off.
And have a pee. But then I’d get right back on again because it’s compulsively irritating.
And that’s what makes somebody somewhere an awful lot of money – oh, and the world go round, no?

Soooo lovin' "Boy Meets Girl"!

Anyone else watching this telly treat and loving it as much as I am? it doesn't always happen, does it, that a great preview equals a great programme, but ta-da! And (wail!) it ends this week (tonight I believe).
It's just got it all. It's funny, it's sad, it's disquieting at times and the questions of where our society's been going wrong for the past 50 years or so are gloriously screamed out for everyone to agree with. It's just sublime TV viewing and I defy anyone not to fall in love with both leads - actually moreso with Rachael Stirling, the fe/male lead and, of course, Martin Freeman is just brilliant as usual. If you didn't see the whole thing, you HAVE to catch-up or else buy the DVD when it comes out (it HAS to). It's uplifting - and we all need an uplift from time to time, eh?!