For the first word that left my mouth this morning was a mighty "SHI-IT!" as I realised I'd overlsept the alarm by a good (make that bad) 80 minutes and today was the return to school after the Christmas break.
I'd been up the previous hour you see. And the fifty minutes prior to this and an hour earlier... oh and another hour prior to this one and the one before that too. And a couple more times during the previous three hours... In fact now I look back I probably slept for about... oh, 80 minutes...from alarm to Shi-it!.
Why?
Simples.
Bed at 10.00. read til 10.40. Lovely.
Hubby starts snoring at 11.05.
Still at it at 11.30.
11.40 Hubby retires to another room after exhusting different sleeping positions.
I lie awake worrying at midnight if he might be cold downstairs with the cats on the sofa so try to remember where I stored the blankets last year.
12.20 find blanket. Go downstairs and cover snoring, blissfully unaware husband with it. Making sure I don't stuff any part of it into his black hole of a roaring mouth. By accident I mean.
1.15 sound of ticking and rumbling of pipes alerts me to heating coming on - which it's not programmed to do.
Lie awake for 15 minutes thinking (ok, hoping) it might stop.
1.30 locate remote heating controls. It tells me heating is off. Hot radiators tell me different.
Twiddle every goddamn knob on the control box and nothing happens.
Contemplate going into every room and turning off radiators. Worry might wake hubby and Girl. And it's Girls' first day back at school tomorrow (correction, today) too.
Best not.
2.00 ticking slows and radiators cool slightly. Decide should go to bed and try to ignore. It's probably doing it for a reason.
2.30 Still trying to work out reasons. Might it have snowed and therefore so cold it's switched itself on to prevent pipes from freezing up? Do pipes still get frozen in the 21st century? Start to imagine that if it's snowed heavily (too tired to get out of bed and look so wishful thinking relied on) then schools will be shut.
3.10 pipes start ticking and thumping again. Might start crying.
3.50 contemplate turning off heating completely but then worry that house will be cold when alarms start going off and anyway it's programmed to come on at 6.00 what's the bleedin' point now?
4.15 Worry that haven't slept enough to wake up refreshed and alert for start of new school term. Wonder how bad will be feeling at 6.30 (alarm).
5.00 Wonder if I should just get up now. If I fall asleep I might not wake up and that would be worse than not having slept at all.
Wouldn't it?
6.30 Alarm goes off. Forgotten which button is 'snooze', forgotten how irritatingly annoying Sarah kennedy is first thing in the morning and accidentally hit wrong knob.
7.30 ticking of radiators cooling down rouses me.
7.35 Where the Flip is hubby?
7.40 Wasn't I supposed to be getting up earlier for something to...... SHI-IT!!
